It’s true — kids say some weird stuff

An e-mail I got the other day highlighted some of the things an anonymous mother from Texas learned from her kids. Things like, “If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor isn’t strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20- by 20-foot room.”

Or, “A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.”

Being the father of two young boys, I know it’s only a matter of time before I compile my own list of things my kids will teach me. In fact, the learning has already begun. For instance, I’ve already found out that it’s a bad idea to leave your fishing reel on the coffee table after you spend an hour winding new line onto it. Four-year-old boys have an innate attraction to fishing gear. And the more expensive the gear, the stronger the attraction.

Let me just say that it takes more than six hours to untangle a hundred and forty yards of monofilament. I don’t know how much longer, because I gave up and threw the ball of line away before I got it unsnarled. Luckily for my first-born, I got him untied before I threw the line away.

Another item to keep out of the reach of children is gun oil. It may smell good to you, but your spouse’s tolerance of it will fade rapidly when one of the younger members of the household squirts it all over the couch.

And gun oil doesn’t come out of upholstery. Ever. Not even if it’s ScotchGuarded.

Taxidermy and toddlers don’t mix. Especially if the taxidermy involves feathers. It should also be pointed out that a full-sized turkey mount may look like it doesn’t have a lot of feathers, but when those feathers are separated from the body, they’ll fill three large garbage bags.

Oh, and bait should never be stored in pockets. If there’s no other choice, the person who does the laundry should be alerted before the fishing pants go into the dryer.