I want a cell phone that doesn’t work

While I was traveling across the state last month, I saw an ad for a cell phone service provider that got my attention. Considering that my own cell phone was showing absolutely no service at that moment, at first, the ad intrigued me. But the more I thought about it, the more disturbing its message was to me.

The slogan on the ad was, “Phones that work where you work and play.” On one side of the billboard, there was a guy in a business suit with his phone up to his ear. That’s fine. I have no problem with that. When you’re working, you should probably have a way to communicate with other people.

But on the other side of the sign, the same guy was dressed up in waders and a fishing vest, and he had a fly rod in one hand and a cell phone in the other.

Maybe I’m just not business-minded enough, but when I’m fishing, hunting, or, frankly, doing anything away from the office, I don’t want anyone to be able to find me. The last thing I want is to have a nice brown on the line and hear my cell phone chirping from my pocket.

That slogan might get some people to switch service providers, but not me. As I was driving along, looking out at the aftermath of a long spring and summer of heavy rainfall, I could imagine some nice brookies hiding in the deeper pools in just about every stream I crossed. And since my cell phone wasn’t getting any reception, there was nobody to tell me I couldn’t stop and try my luck. So I pulled the truck off on a side road, rigged up a nice little hopper pattern, and chucked it into the current.

I did that a couple more times before I finally worked my way back into my service area, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it up. Sure enough, just minutes after I got three bars, the phone rang, and I had to give a status report.

So keep your service that works where you play. I’ll keep my spotty coverage.