Don’t celebrate the 250th by burning America up

I wish we’d gotten some rain this spring and early summer. Our country only turns 250 years old once, and it would be nice to celebrate the milestone by sending some of my hard-earned money to a communist country so I could blow up small portions of America. The whole idea is strangely ironic, when you think about it that way, but it’s still fun to set off fireworks. As long as you’re not going to burn the country down.

So between the crazy amount of money we send to China and the danger of setting the prairie ablaze, I’ve had an informal fireworks boycott for the last few decades. I love watching fireworks, and I’ve missed lighting them myself, but you’ve got to have some principles.

This year, it was looking like I wouldn’t have to stand on those principles, because we had a fire ban for most of the spring. You’d think that ban would still be in effect, because we’ve hardly seen a drop of precipitation all year, but for some reason, the county lifted the fire ban. I guess they think the fire departments aren’t working hard enough. So now it’s legal to shoot off fireworks, but it’s still not a great idea. It won’t take much to light up the prairie like a centenarian’s birthday cake.

I have to admit, I’m kind of sad that I’m not going to be setting off any fireworks. It’s the 250^th anniversary of our great nation, and I’ve been looking forward to this momentous 4^th of July for a long time.

But at least I won’t rekindle the fireworks addiction I had when I was a kid. At least back home in Riverton, there were only a few weeks of the year when I could replenish my fireworks stash. But down here in Cheyenne, there are year-round fireworks outlets all over the place. If I scratch that fireworks itch, I might wind up stopping at the one near my house on the way home from work each night, saying to myself, “just one more Roman Candle, then I’ll quit.”

Instead, we’ll watch either Cheyenne’s fireworks show or the one in Pine Bluffs, and it’ll still be a good, old-fashioned Fourth of July. Happy 250th, America!