Jackalope to be designated endangered

Forget about the Prebble’s Jumping Mouse, folks. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service is making an announcement today that will affect every Wyoming citizen.

Later today, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service spokesman Alfred Newman is scheduled to deliver a press conference, in which he is expected to announce that the Jackalope will be placed on the Endangered Species List.

Sources inside the Fish and Wildlife Service have leaked information that the Jackalope has hopped ahead of other animals considered for protection. Those sources say the main reason for the change in status is the fact that Jackalopes are a favored food source for another animal that recently came off the endangered list – gray wolves.

The following is from a telephone conversation with one of those sources. His voice has been changed to protect his identity.

“You wouldn’t believe how many Jackalopes a single wolf can eat. But many of those wolves are feeding a whole pack, so they’ll dig up entire burrows and kill all the Jackalopes they can find.”

This news is doubly troubling, because it was long believed that Jackalopes live in nests on top of the ground. Most biologists believe Jackalopes can’t live in burrows, since both males and females have antlers.

“That’s why you haven’t seen many trophy Jackalopes. The bigger ones have to dig bigger burrows, so they can get in and out without getting their antlers stuck, and that makes it easy for the wolves to just walk right into those dens and drag ‘em out.”

For decades, Jackalope populations were rebounding, and sportsmen were excited about the possibility of a Jackalope hunting season. But until wolves and Jackalopes can find a balance point, it appears Wyoming’s favorite mammal is once again on the brink of extinction.

Happy April Fools Day.