They should give me my own fishing show

With fishing season approaching, I’ve been watching some fishing shows on TV. I don’t usually watch them, because I get tired of seeing people catch fish after fish after fish. It just doesn’t jive with the way I fish.

I want to see outdoors shows that are realistic. I get pretty tired of watching anglers catch fish with every cast. Send a video camera along on one of my fishing trips, and you’ll see something completely different.

It doesn’t matter if I’m using worms, spinners or flies. I just don’t catch fish. If I’m using worms, they’re biting on spinners. When I switch to spinners, they suddenly get an appetite for flies. If I pick up my fly fishing gear, they’ll only eat worms. Everybody else I go fishing with catches fish, but I hardly ever do.

But that’s not my only problem. I always have some gear malfunction. Last week, before we got socked with snow, I went out to Crystal Reservoir, and I chucked a brand-new twelve-dollar Rapala out into the water.

When I say I chucked it into the water, I mean just that. I tied it onto my line, flipped the bail, made a cast, and my line fed out about 20 feet. Then the line snarled. Badly. It stopped short, but the lure kept going. The line snapped off, and the last time I saw that lure was when it splashed into the water about 40 yards away from shore.

I’d like to see a fishing show where somebody has luck as bad as mine. It would be refreshing to know I’m not the only one who slams rods in truck tailgates, drops reels in rivers during the spring runoff and forgets to bring the rowboat’s oars when driving halfway across the state to float a river.

Just once, it would be nice to see a professional fisherman throw everything he has at the water for an entire episode and fail to get so much as a nibble. It would be a bonus to see other anglers in the background hauling fish out of the water as the show’s host comes up with nothing.

But until someone gives me a fishing show, that’s probably not going to happen. If that’s the kind of entertainment you want to watch, come fishing with me. And bring along some extra Rapalas.

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