I can’t take any more of these golden retriever ads

I’m about to quit watching TV completely. I can’t seem to watch a football game or anything else without seeing an ad that makes me want to do something that’s going to get me in lots of trouble with my wife.

We’re down to two dogs, which is what my wife has informed me we have agreed is the perfect number of canines.

But ever since I lost Cricket, my golden retriever, it’s felt like there’s something missing in our household. The Aussie has stepped up to fill the affection gap left after Cricket died. She won’t leave my side, and she makes it clear to everyone that I’m her human. And although the Lab could be a better hunting dog, she’s one of the sweetest dogs we’ve ever had. She’s finally outgrown the young Lab silliness, and she can finally be trusted to be alone in the house for more than 30 seconds.

But I still miss having a golden retriever in the house. I don’t mind the mounds of hair I have to sweep up on an hourly basis, or the brushing and clipping I have to do after hunting in a bur-infested field.

I’m working mostly from home now, so I do get to hang out with my dogs quite a bit. But somehow, being able to be with my dogs nearly all day every day just makes it worse. I wouldn’t give up either of the dogs I have, but I still want another golden.

And when I watch TV, it seems like every third ad has a golden retriever in it.

I know those advertising executives hope the cute golden makes people want to buy their products, but for me, all those ads do is make me want to run out and get a golden retriever puppy. But if I do that, the golden and I would be sharing the dog house for a long, long time.

I can’t get another dog, so I’m just going to have to quit watching TV. Or at the very least, quit watching ads. Those images of goldens are killing me.