My TV is trying to make me get another dog

I’m about to quit watching TV completely. I can’t seem to watch a football game or anything else without seeing an ad that makes me want to do something that’s going to get me in lots of trouble with my wife.

We’re down to two dogs, which is what my wife and I have agreed is the perfect number of canines. And better yet, we have two dogs that fill all the dog needs of our family. We have an Australian shepherd to help herd the livestock, and a black Labrador for hunting.

But ever since I lost Cricket, my golden retriever, it’s felt like there’s something missing in our household. The Aussie has stepped up to fill the affection gap left after Cricket died. She won’t leave my side, and she makes it clear to everyone that I’m her human. And the Lab is becoming as good a hunting dog as Cricket was – maybe even better, because she’s big enough to retrieve even a whopper Canada goose.

But I still miss having a golden retriever in the house. I don’t mind the mounds of hair I have to sweep up on an hourly basis, or the brushing and clipping I have to do after hunting in a bur-infested field.

The problem is that I’m living away from the family and the dogs right now, as I get started in a new job in a new town. The family and the critters won’t come to join me until after the school year, so I’m out here all by myself. And when I watch TV, it seems like every third ad has a golden retriever in it.

I know those advertising executives hope the cute golden makes people want to buy their products, but for me, all those ads do is make me want to run out and get a golden retriever puppy. But if I do that, the golden and I would be sharing the dog house for a long, long time.

I can’t get another dog, so I’m just going to have to quit watching TV. Or at the very least, quit watching ads. Those images of goldens are killing me.