The Moat finally ate my truck

I had a sweet, sweet ride last week, but I wound up having to drive my crummy old 22-year-old truck one night instead. And to add injury to insult, I got that old truck stuck in my driveway.

I had my favorite review vehicle ever last week. I drove a Ram Power Wagon about four years ago, and I instantly fell in love with it. Since then, I’ve been begging the vehicle fairies to bring me another one.

And last week, it finally happened. They dropped off a shiny, new 2016 Power Wagon at my office, and I dropped everything I was doing to go get that sucker dirty. Unfortunately, though, I wasn’t able to drive it the entire time I had it. One night, I had to run an errand that involved carrying by-products of horse ownership in the bed of a pickup. I’m pretty sure the vehicle fairies wouldn’t have approved of me using the Power Wagon for that load.

So I took my ’94 F-250, instead.

Stuck in the mud
Mud the consistency of cake batter isn’t great for traction.

My truck, not so affectionately known as “Clunk,” is a fairly capable four-wheel-drive. But it’s nothing compared to the Power Wagon. The Wagon sits a good six inches higher, it has probably a good 200 more horsepower, and it also comes standard with locking front and rear axles, a sway bar disconnect, and a winch. Yes, a winch.

Clunk, on the other hand, has none of that. And then there’s my driveway. That night, the Moat had receded, but it left behind a thick layer of mud the consistency of cake batter. I was only about a hundred yards down the driveway when Clunk started sliding sideways, and the next thing I knew, I was stuck. Bad stuck.

Had I been in the Power Wagon, I could have used the locking axles, and if that didn’t work, I could have tied the winch off on one of the telephone poles my neighbor uses for fence posts and yanked myself out. That’s if the Power Wagon had gotten stuck at all.

I think it’s about time to upgrade Clunk. I think you know what I’ll be buying.